Ball Air

After years of working on the designs and concepts, we're proud to announce the release of our first line of Ball Air sneakers.  They will be available in fall 09, sold exclusively through the Ballatician$ iStore.  The inaugural launch will include three models.

The 'NoHoMo' work-boot redefines masculinity.  Rugged leather panels and a denim toebox remind women of the catcalls they hear walking by a construction site. Each pair is guaranteed to be larger than a goat's nuts.  Two colorways:  Salmon/Flesh and Halo Green/Unreal Tournament Pewter. A solid, steel-toed kick in your image's ass.

The 'Snatch Master' attracts vagina like Chuck Norris attracts WoW nerds.  This black and gold running shoe is made with 69k gold.  Platinum cross-stitching really makes the shoe pop. Beyond its swag value, the 'Snatch Master' also happens to be the most advanced running shoe currently on the market.  Not only will you look fresh, but you can back your shit up and run someone the fuck down.

The 'ekiN' is really just a pair of beat up Destroyers. We re-sewed the swoosh symbol upside down.  Limited to 1. $5

We're still looking to offload 50,000+ copies of J. Vanacore's How to Ball Air: NBA2k9 Strategy Guide

Grown Men Cry

I've been told grown men never cry.  I've cried for the following reasons:

1. Got dumped.

2. Broke my collarbone

3. Shrooming

4. Listening to Deep Puddle Dynamics' Candle

5. Dog died

6. Got kicked in the shin by Will.  Then went, sobbing, to 7-11 and got a huge bag of puffy cheetos.

more to cum

I Need This Foam Hand

This foam hand.

I need it.

KenKen & The Fleshlight

'Michaud Me Da Money' and I just abandoned our attempt at the nytimes.com uber-hard kenken shit.  we tried the 8x8 and we've just been struggling for an hour.  We can't crack the code, even though we're sniping answers off of each other.  Michaud's still churning away like a fleshulator (half calculator, half flesh).

A fleshulator sounds a lot like fleshlight, which is a flashlight / vagina.  That's a pretty baller invention.  Imagine (no homo) the invention process.  Did the inventor just hollow out a flashlight immediately, or was there a trial and error period?  Did he try using toilet paper rolls? What was his prototype, a flashlight with sponges?  Why did he even get the notion that he had to masturbate with something in the first place?  Too lazy for a blowup doll?

Don't misinterpret.  I LOVE masturbating.

I love.  masturbating.

Tuesday Night Movie Review: Shrooms

In honor of 4$ movie night at the Lyceum in Red Hook. Weekly movie review by J.H. Quest. (These movies are all available on the Netflix instant streamy-thing.  If they weren't, I probably wouldn't have watched them.  The final rating is based on how many people stayed to watch the whole movie.)

     No one had much energy after the flaming morning shits following our too-hot sauce wing session.  We decided to ball (no homo) at home.  Nick and I had wanted to see Shrooms - a suspense horror about American teens shrooming in Ireland - and there wasn't enough opposition from the rest of the ballers to stop us from doing so.

     Shrooms is a movie that should have never gotten past the fetal stage.  I have to admit I was on-edge and frightened throughout much of the shitflick, but that's not really an accomplishment.  Everything scares me.  Puppies scare me.  Puppies are way better than Shrooms, which is more predictable than a b0ner in winter.  This blog typing program is telling me I misspelled boner, but I know I didn't misspell boner.

     Anyway, this movie is garbage.  Busta guessed everything that was going to happen within the first thirty seconds and out of the six of us who began watching only two and a half finished (sexy time was cradling his computer like an otter, thus he counts as a half).  No one acts well, the directing is pooprific, and shots are re-used frequently.  The only thing about this movie that will touch your boner is the demeanor of the douchebag fratboy character.  His brass knuckle-ettes that read 'Death' and 'Coma' say it all.

He even wears them when he sleeps

Final Score:  2.5 Blunts (out of 6)

Happy 4.21

Happy holiafterday.  Ballatican$/Amateur Prose veteran Johnny Quest here.  We're sitting on something like six tracks right now, putting a little makeup on them before they're released.  Look for Busta's First of a Dying Breed in May.  Also the Ballatician$ debut mixtape is solidifying post-flame.  A few new hit singles coming at you soon, including Dust Her Nipples Off,  and  Ballin'.

Warn the kids about the buffalo wild shits

shit wild buffalo wild shits while wild buffalo wild buffaloes wildly shit wild buffalo shit.

we shit wild.

We Da

BESSSSSSSST.

^^