Ball Air

After years of working on the designs and concepts, we're proud to announce the release of our first line of Ball Air sneakers.  They will be available in fall 09, sold exclusively through the Ballatician$ iStore.  The inaugural launch will include three models.

The 'NoHoMo' work-boot redefines masculinity.  Rugged leather panels and a denim toebox remind women of the catcalls they hear walking by a construction site. Each pair is guaranteed to be larger than a goat's nuts.  Two colorways:  Salmon/Flesh and Halo Green/Unreal Tournament Pewter. A solid, steel-toed kick in your image's ass.

The 'Snatch Master' attracts vagina like Chuck Norris attracts WoW nerds.  This black and gold running shoe is made with 69k gold.  Platinum cross-stitching really makes the shoe pop. Beyond its swag value, the 'Snatch Master' also happens to be the most advanced running shoe currently on the market.  Not only will you look fresh, but you can back your shit up and run someone the fuck down.

The 'ekiN' is really just a pair of beat up Destroyers. We re-sewed the swoosh symbol upside down.  Limited to 1. $5

We're still looking to offload 50,000+ copies of J. Vanacore's How to Ball Air: NBA2k9 Strategy Guide

Grown Men Cry

I've been told grown men never cry.  I've cried for the following reasons:

1. Got dumped.

2. Broke my collarbone

3. Shrooming

4. Listening to Deep Puddle Dynamics' Candle

5. Dog died

6. Got kicked in the shin by Will.  Then went, sobbing, to 7-11 and got a huge bag of puffy cheetos.

more to cum

I Need This Foam Hand

This foam hand.

I need it.

KenKen & The Fleshlight

'Michaud Me Da Money' and I just abandoned our attempt at the nytimes.com uber-hard kenken shit.  we tried the 8x8 and we've just been struggling for an hour.  We can't crack the code, even though we're sniping answers off of each other.  Michaud's still churning away like a fleshulator (half calculator, half flesh).

A fleshulator sounds a lot like fleshlight, which is a flashlight / vagina.  That's a pretty baller invention.  Imagine (no homo) the invention process.  Did the inventor just hollow out a flashlight immediately, or was there a trial and error period?  Did he try using toilet paper rolls? What was his prototype, a flashlight with sponges?  Why did he even get the notion that he had to masturbate with something in the first place?  Too lazy for a blowup doll?

Don't misinterpret.  I LOVE masturbating.

I love.  masturbating.

Tuesday Night Movie Review: Shrooms

In honor of 4$ movie night at the Lyceum in Red Hook. Weekly movie review by J.H. Quest. (These movies are all available on the Netflix instant streamy-thing.  If they weren't, I probably wouldn't have watched them.  The final rating is based on how many people stayed to watch the whole movie.)

     No one had much energy after the flaming morning shits following our too-hot sauce wing session.  We decided to ball (no homo) at home.  Nick and I had wanted to see Shrooms - a suspense horror about American teens shrooming in Ireland - and there wasn't enough opposition from the rest of the ballers to stop us from doing so.

     Shrooms is a movie that should have never gotten past the fetal stage.  I have to admit I was on-edge and frightened throughout much of the shitflick, but that's not really an accomplishment.  Everything scares me.  Puppies scare me.  Puppies are way better than Shrooms, which is more predictable than a b0ner in winter.  This blog typing program is telling me I misspelled boner, but I know I didn't misspell boner.

     Anyway, this movie is garbage.  Busta guessed everything that was going to happen within the first thirty seconds and out of the six of us who began watching only two and a half finished (sexy time was cradling his computer like an otter, thus he counts as a half).  No one acts well, the directing is pooprific, and shots are re-used frequently.  The only thing about this movie that will touch your boner is the demeanor of the douchebag fratboy character.  His brass knuckle-ettes that read 'Death' and 'Coma' say it all.

He even wears them when he sleeps

Final Score:  2.5 Blunts (out of 6)

Happy 4.21

Happy holiafterday.  Ballatican$/Amateur Prose veteran Johnny Quest here.  We're sitting on something like six tracks right now, putting a little makeup on them before they're released.  Look for Busta's First of a Dying Breed in May.  Also the Ballatician$ debut mixtape is solidifying post-flame.  A few new hit singles coming at you soon, including Dust Her Nipples Off,  and  Ballin'.

Warn the kids about the buffalo wild shits

shit wild buffalo wild shits while wild buffalo wild buffaloes wildly shit wild buffalo shit.

we shit wild.

We Da

BESSSSSSSST.

^^

berry

i def drank a half empty glass of cran, crim.

i owe you at least a half full glass of cran, crim.

LEGEND:

(cran = crim)

(crim = cran)

(cran + crim = a full glass of cran/crim)

Dust Her Nipples Off

BallaticiaN$ working on the new exclusive hit single "Dust Her Nipples Off".  The Babaram is in the building.  Threat Level Redeye.

we're like your mom's dildosaurus hunting you at night.

Recording: We Are The Mozarts

we're celebrating 4.20 on 4.18 because we decided to, and we're a few blunts deep.  We're recording an epic fucking track about being dank, and Jaguar can't keep his giggle factory under control.  He's spilling giggles everywhere.  He's your burst nightmare.

We'll be putting up the track later tonight or tomorrow, keep you posted (like charles oakley)

alright

who drank half the cranberry juice I bought yesterday.  this shit isn't blue drink, it doesn't grow on trees.

I'm looking at you, "John Quest"

Crank 2

we're all going to see Crank 2 today.

We just saw Crank 2.

It's no Crank.

Crank

I just saw Crank, and it is by far the greatest movie of all time.  If you haven't seen this movie, you're doing yourself a disservice.  Don't be Lou.  Go out and rent this movie.  Tell your girlfriend she owes you.  In fact, just put it all on the table and tell her you want to do coke off her ass and then make her give you "brains" (street slang for boner-licking).  I dare you not to get a boner while watching Crank.

Fuck. also listen to Robbin' Williams

Lou is a Barnacle

all he does is smoke our drugs.

sick that rhymes

Coming Soon

Johnny Quest - Music for 14 Year Old White Girls (Prod. Joey Beats)

I'm the Jim Jones of this shit

Hi, I'm Vince

and I'm a piece of shit.  When I'm not lying on crim's couch, browsing porn like an a$$hole, I'm eating all of his cereal and pretending to be a rapper star

A Day in the Life of Crim (in 2 parts)

1. wake up

2. clown

We Heart Manny Ramirez

Yo, little quest coming at you from crim's creaking beatlab.  It's getting all sunsetty and shit in here.  Fucking beautiful orange light.  We're recording the new jam for First of a Dying Breed, and justin's getting really airy with it.  It's about LA so we're blazing and trying to channel those sunny, blazey days.

Manny Ramirez is probably the biggest baller in professional sports.  hit that shit.

Field Trip

Today we visited our birthplace, a lyrical pit of fire located at the center of the Me-niverse.  It was awe-crunching.  We ate Dibbs and laughed about the sun and sang until giggles overcame us.  It was a windy day, and we had trouble lighting our barbecue.

We make rap.

What I Wish, part I

I wish the single, dangling earring would come back in style for men.

When it does, I'll have the dreamcatcher earring ready to go.

How To Build A House Out of Fireplaces in 2 Easy Steps

1. build a house out of fireplaces.

2. finish.

Ballatician$ store

we've decided to open a ballatician$ store.

we will exclusively carry:

white shirts (6XL only)

gold-on-gold jerseys

bottled blue drink

How To Ball: NBA2k9 Strategy Guide - by jesse vanacore

Hudson area flagship store opening soon!

IT'S THAT BLUE DRINK

CHECK THAT BLUE DRINK OUT!

3 Mixtapes Guaranteed to Blind

morning.

three upcoming releases to watch out for:

Ballatician$

First of a Dying Breed

Sorry I Stole Your Music  vol. 1

drool in anticipation.

WE BACK!

CLICK HUR AND HUR