A woman showed up at my door claiming to be from the Census Bureau. She seemed alarmed that I was wearing my pajamas at 1 in the afternoon. Clearly we were on different wavelengths. She asked me for my address, which I thought was odd considering she had already found her way to my house. I think she was testing me, because when I told her I live in Barrytown she looked at her clipboard and replied, "no. no, you live in Red Hook." Don't tell me where I live, woman. I gave her the wrong zip code just to keep her on her toes. She also asked how many people live in the cabin. I mentioned The Famous Flying Ostrich, but I didn't tell her about the shrews. Do you think I should have?
On a side note, I've decided I'm going to turn in the two Ballatician$ albums for my senior project. Once they hear Long Time Cummin' they're sure to hand me my diploma on the spot.
P.S. Don't shit in my hummus, shrews. I need it for sustenance.
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You are becoming an awesome irl vhs kung fu movie. That story sounds like it could be the beginning for so many awesome seagal/stallone headbangers.
ReplyDeletevoiceover trailer:
'Dude in pajamas....'
'stupid census lady...'
in
Steven Seagal's
"Don't Tell Me Where I Live"
tagline:
don't tell him where he lives.
Writing this just made me realize we should've done some Sega/Seagal rhymes. We really missed an opportunity there.
yeah I left out the part when we got into an epic aikido battle that ended in sweet fireside lovemaking.
ReplyDeletethat happens all the time though so it didn't seem worth mentioning.