THE GOVERNMENT FOUND ME

A woman showed up at my door claiming to be from the Census Bureau. She seemed alarmed that I was wearing my pajamas at 1 in the afternoon. Clearly we were on different wavelengths. She asked me for my address, which I thought was odd considering she had already found her way to my house. I think she was testing me, because when I told her I live in Barrytown she looked at her clipboard and replied, "no. no, you live in Red Hook." Don't tell me where I live, woman. I gave her the wrong zip code just to keep her on her toes. She also asked how many people live in the cabin. I mentioned The Famous Flying Ostrich, but I didn't tell her about the shrews. Do you think I should have?

On a side note, I've decided I'm going to turn in the two Ballatician$ albums for my senior project. Once they hear Long Time Cummin' they're sure to hand me my diploma on the spot.

P.S. Don't shit in my hummus, shrews. I need it for sustenance.